


Hope - a caryl one-shot

by tender_is_the_ghost



Category: Carol Peletier - Fandom, The Walking Dead (TV), caryl - Fandom, daryl dixon - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/M, Love, season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-24 18:18:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2591444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tender_is_the_ghost/pseuds/tender_is_the_ghost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daryl and Carol both have choices to make in order to move forward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hope - a caryl one-shot

**Author's Note:**

> The inspiration for this moment in time during Daryl and Carol’s relationship is simple - it came to me in a haze of pain, drifting in and out of sleep while I waited for the meds to work (I'm recovering from surgery right now) after watching Sunday night’s episode.
> 
> I’ve never written for this pairing before but their dynamic fascinates me so I may do it again should the muse strike.
> 
> Slightly AU as it extrapolates from the events up to and including Episode 4 of Season 5.

**_Art as always by the ridiculously talented Lucia,[tmd-dump-station](http://tmblr.co/mWbtVYPDiUpg03wvLTVVeAQ)_ **

**_Please show your appreciation for her amazing talent and like/reblog the original[here](http://tmd-dump-station.tumblr.com/post/96541396033/hey-could-you-please-make-one-with-daryl-and-carol)._ **

_([R&faq](http://tmd-dump-station.tumblr.com/editrules))_

**_DO NOT REPOST_ **

 

He had caught her leaving again, dawn’s light still barely a smudge on the horizon as her passing had caused him to awaken from the fitful doze he’d fallen into. He’d cracked an eyelid to watch her pick her way between the silent pews, as quiet as the proverbial church mouse, so that she didn’t wake the rest of their family. With Beth’s safe return to the fold thanks to his and Carol’s efforts everyone was sleeping a little more soundly these days. Daryl hadn’t been concerned as he’d seen her slip through the front door of the church, assuming she just needed to relieve herself and knowing perfectly well that she could handle herself outside. He was concerned, however, when she didn’t come back within a reasonable amount of time so he had pulled his protesting body from his bedroll and grabbed his crossbow before following her out into the chill morning air. Her footprints stood out starkly on the dew-laden ground even in the half-light of the misty pre-dawn and he followed her silently and swiftly on the path she had taken through the trees.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

When Daryl had come out of the treeline behind her, Carol had been equal parts elated and disappointed, she had hoped to get away without this confrontation and yet, there he was, the shadowed blue of his eyes judging her as he’d caught sight of the backpack on her shoulders and the rifle held loosely in the crook of her arm.

“You’re leavin’ again?”

His words had cut to her soul, her betrayal of him dripping from every syllable and all she could do was nod her acquiescence.

“Thought we’d taken care of that? You know you don’t have to go nowhere.”

“No, Daryl, we didn’t take care of it. I was leaving before and you found me and then the whole thing with Beth happened and now, here we are. Nothing was discussed, nothing changed. Without that interruption, we’re back on that road the night we saw the car, me going and you… what are you doing here, Daryl?”

“Stopping you from makin’ some pig-headed mistake ‘cos you don’t feel like you’re welcome anymore. You and Rick made your peace. There’s no reason for you to go anywhere.”

“But is there any reason for me to stay?”

“There’s a hundred goddam reasons. Every single person in that damn church owes you their lives, they’re your family and they care about you. Nobody wants you to go anywhere.”

“And you?”

“Me? Of course I want you to stay, ain’t you been listening? You only just found us again, why in the hell are you running away?”

Carol had sucked in a breath at the sting of his words, all her emotions from the past few days slamming into her and she could feel her hardened exterior start to crumble. She wanted to tell him the reason she was leaving this time, that it wasn’t for the same indecision that she’d been feeling when he’d found her on the road that night and she’d been more than ready for him to take her back with him. This time her leaving was for something else entirely, something that she’d been faced with and couldn’t deal with, didn’t want to deal with.

The day before she had been outside the church, enjoying the feel of the sun on her face as she’d sat quietly on the steps, trying to sort through the mess of thoughts and feelings from the rescue of her family to being here now, relatively safe and sound. Daryl’s voice to her left had pulled her from her reverie and she had stood, giving a cat-like stretch, intending to find him and see if he wanted to talk, there were things she thought she might be ready to tell him that she wasn’t before. When she had rounded the corner of the church, her feet soundless on the soft grass, she had stopped dead in her tracks. Ahead between the trees, she could see Daryl and Beth, heads bent in conversation, Beth’s hand resting lightly on his folded forearm, a comfortable intimacy between them that wrapped a cold hand around Carol’s core. She had backed away as silently as she had arrived, not needing to witness anything more, the truth painted quite clearly before her and in that moment she’d known – known what she’d always tried to deny, what she’d occasionally considered but had always ultimately rejected as a pointless flight of fancy – she was in love with Daryl.

Carol wasn’t a woman for dreams and fantasies, the life she’d led had knocked those out of her a long time ago, but she did have hope and she would have been lying to herself if she didn’t admit that one of her hopes was that one day all this would be over and there would be a new life for her and the people she loved. Looking at it now, hurrying away from the church, putting distance between her and the romantic picture behind her, she realized that somehow her hopes for the future had all included Daryl in them, by her side, in some form or other. Cursing herself for letting her imagination, even subconsciously, run away with her, she made the decision to leave again even though it would be incredibly hard for her to do so, having just regained her family. But she knew it was for the best, she couldn’t torture herself every day watching him have a blossoming relationship with someone that wasn’t her. It wouldn’t be fair to herself and it wouldn’t be fair to him because she knew without a doubt that it would just put a distance between them and she didn’t think she could stand that. Better that she go quietly now, just disappear from their lives and still be able to hold onto the way she felt about him in this moment, the good memories she already had of their time together.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Daryl looked at the woman standing stoically before him, every line of her small frame tense as if ready to flee and he couldn’t understand why they were here. Everything had come right in his world again from the moment he had turned his head and seen her walking between the trees after their mad flight from Terminus. All he had wanted was to hold her and never let go, the world melting in that moment as he’d taken her in his arms, proving the reality of her to himself. For the first time in his life he’d let his heart lead him, exposed his emotions to the people he knew he could trust not to use them against him and in that moment there had been nothing else in his existence that had ever mattered so much or ever would again as the woman he had in his arms. When he had finally been able to release her, turning her over to Rick’s heartfelt embrace, he’d barely been able to keep the grin off of his face and had vowed in that moment that she was never getting out of his sight again. He’d kept by her side as much as possible as they’d travelled, watching her, content to just be by her side but even he could see that she was struggling with being back in the group, that there were deeper issues that still needed to be addressed. He hadn’t been all that surprised when he’d caught her leaving the first time, he’d seen her face when they’d found the car on the side of the road, had read between the lines when she’d insisted that they leave it in case of an emergency. When he had followed her, his heart had been heavy, his mind in turmoil over whether he would be able to persuade her to stay or if he would be leaving with her. There was no question in his mind that he would let her go alone, if she felt she had to go, that she couldn’t stay with the group, then he would be right by her side as she went. When she had answered his question of what she was doing with an “I don’t know” and had given him that rueful smile of hers, he’d known that she wasn’t going anywhere, that she was just as confused as the rest of them and he just needed to get her back to their family.

But looking at her now, he wasn’t getting the same feeling of indecision from her, he knew the determined set of her jaw as well as he knew it in himself. Her mind was made up, she was leaving them and that was that. He just didn’t know why and that was what was killing him.

“It’s not going to work out, Daryl, I can’t stay. Too much has happened, things have changed and I have to move on.”

“No. We’re your family. Whatever’s going on in your head, whatever went down out there when you were alone, we can help you with that. It’s what we do. You rescued us, you think we’re just going to let you walk away by yourself to God knows what out there. You’ve seen what’s out there, what people’ll do to each other. Look what happened to Beth.”

“Beth, yes,” she replies and he can see the conflict on her face but doesn’t understand it.

“Beth’ll be fine. She’s back with us now, thanks to you. You saved her from that hell.”

“Yes, she’ll be fine. She has you to take care of her, she couldn’t ask for anything more.”

“Then why are you leaving? You got us all back together and now you’re just going to abandon us? Talk to me.”

He can feel his frustration spilling over into his words and when she makes a move to walk past him, it’s all he can do not to reach out and restrain her, knowing that if he does he’ll lose her forever.

“Take care of yourself, Daryl. You and Beth take care of each other, you deserve to be happy.”

“Me n’ Beth?” he mumbles, his confusion growing by the second as Carol brushes past him and heads off into the trees again.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

She gets maybe a few feet before he bounds after her, cutting around her to block her path and abruptly stop her forward motion.

“Daryl,” she urges, pleading with him with her eyes but he doesn’t budge.

“Why me n’ Beth?” he asks, a small glimmer of understanding sparking in his brain, and she stares coolly back at him as if debating whether she should just push past him once more or answer his question.

Finally, with a resigned sigh that he’s heard so many times before, she lets her pack slip to the floor, resting her rifle against it and folds her arms before looking up at him.

“Because I saw you together, yesterday, outside the church. I saw the way she was looking at you, the intimacy that you two have and I realized that she’s in love with you.”

“Love?” he scoffs, having a hard time wrapping his head around the notion. “Beth Greene ain’t in love with me, you’re crazy.”

“Daryl, I saw it with my own eyes. You two were alone together all that time, it’s perfectly normal that something would have happened between you two.”

“Ain’t nothing’ happened between us,” Daryl barks, suddenly filled with an unexplained anger. “Hell yes, we were alone out there. You were gone, our home was destroyed. For all we knew our entire family was dead. But we survived. I survived. And yes, Beth was there and she helped me in a way I can never thank her for but that’s all it was. She kept me going, gave me something to keep moving forward for and I took care of that little girl as best I could, kept her safe for as long as I could and then I lost her. I lost her.”

His hands are balled into fists at his sides, the remembered impotence he felt at Beth’s disappearance crashing back into him like a wave and he wants to lash out at something, anything, but the only person who’s there is Carol. The only person who’s ever there when he feels this way, the one person who he needs in his life to push away his anger and his hurt. And now she’s leaving him and he still doesn’t really know why.

“This is why you’re running away? Because you think that Beth and I are in love?”

“Yes,” Carol answers quietly, her calm voice only inflaming his ire. “You’ve made a choice and I’m happy that you have that but it would just be too hard for me to be around. Can you understand that?”

“I didn’t make no damn choice,” Daryl yells, starting a fitful pacing back and forth on the path in front of her. “Is that what you think I did? You think that because I’m out there alone with a pretty girl that I suddenly take leave of my senses, that I don’t remember what I had? What I wanted to have?”

Carol doesn’t answer him, her mouth working as if she’s trying to find the right words and his frustration explodes like a molten pit from inside him, his need to make her understand how he feels boiling over into a rush of words he thought he would never say.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

“I love you, woman,” Daryl spits, his words laced with a confused anger, “is that what you want to hear from me?”

“Yes,” Carol wants to scream at him, “but not like this.”

Instead she bites the inside of her cheek, regarding him with wary eyes, letting the silence build between them until it’s a roaring void. He breaks it with a disgusted twist of his head that causes a fresh wave of hurt to circle her heart.

“They’re just useless words, Carol, they don’t mean anything. I thought you’d have seen it by now. Didn’t I show you with all the times I sat by your side when you were cryin’ yourself to sleep? With the way I always have your back? The hours I spent teachin’ you to fight? I thought that was enough. I thought you knew. I don’t have feelings for Beth like that, there was nothing goin’ on with us. I don’t know what you saw when you looked at us yesterday but if she has something goin’ on then that’s on her. I never asked for it, I never led her on and I certainly didn’t want it.”

Abruptly the fire seems to drain out of him and Carol stands stock still letting his words sink into her brain, allowing herself one of those small glimmers of hope to bubble to the surface as she watches him lower his chin to his chest, his hair falling to hide his face, his sides bellowing in and out as if he’d just finished a race. She knows this is her moment, her time to make a choice and all of the consequences of that choice are not lost on her but she steps forward without a trace of hesitation and lifts her hands to gently tilt his head back up, gratified when he doesn’t so much as blink at her invasion of his personal space.

“Say it again,” she whispers, brushing the hair back from his face so that she can meet his gaze with hers. “I know that they’re useless words, Daryl, unless you actually mean them and then they’re something else entirely.”

He stares back at her, the intensity of his eyes scouring every inch of her face, as if he’s looking for a sign that she’s being honest with him and she keeps her expression as neutral as she can, hoping above everything else that he can read the truth in her eyes at this moment and he’ll be able to follow through. She can see the instant his mind is made up, sees the slight relaxation around his eyelids, feels the tension retreating from his skin where her fingertips are still lightly pressed against his face.

“I love you,” he says softly and she can hear every moment of the time they’ve spent together resonating in his words.

“I love you too,” she replies, a larger bubble of hope bursting forth in her chest before she can stop it.

He doesn’t say anything else, he doesn’t need to. He just pulls her into his arms again, giving her another of those bone-crushing full-body hugs that tell her everything she needs to know as she tightens her arms around his waist and just lets herself go. Both of their choices are made and there’s nothing ahead of them now that won’t be faced together.


End file.
